62. Calista

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Calista Wetzstein, 22, Cali USA.

https://linktr.ee/spiritcalista

“Detransitioning has to be one of the hardest choices I have made in my 22 years of living. At age 13, it was easy for me to adapt to a new persona. I wanted to escape being the weird girl. I rejected my body, I rejected my role in society, I rejected all expectations casted upon me from the moment I was born. I rejected my life for the way it was when I learned that there was so much more to it, so much more to me than what meets the eye. I was different and uncomfortable so what better way to own it than to embrace the idea that I was actually a transgender boy this whole time. I remember the day I said to myself “you’re a boy” and from then on no one could convince me otherwise. Not even myself.

Injecting hormones at 16. Removing my breasts at 20. And then finally realizing a year after that this was not who I was. This was not a life that I wanted. I wasn’t thinking long term when I made these decisions. How could I when I wasn’t even at the legal age of being able to drive without restriction? Getting a tattoo? Here in America it is illegal to drink and smoke before the age of 21, yet I could easily convince the doctor to hand me something that would physically alter my body permanently.

It took me 8 years to see that the life I chose at 13 was not one that would make me happy. I ignored my intuition and I remember every single time I asked myself, “Is this really who I am?” I remember the envy I felt for other girls simply living their life, expressing themselves. I envied the life I rejected. I want to embrace that 13 year old girl and tell her how awesome, unique, and cool she is. Life is hard, but I deserve to love myself wholeheartedly. I look in the mirror and search for the girl I was before transitioning in my features, but I am a woman now. And I have no idea what I look like.

Every day has been a beautiful struggle. I have learned to face myself. I have learned to love myself. I have learned to stand strong in adversity to those who warp my story to fit their narrative. I have learned patience through the pain, whether that be emotional, physical, or spiritual. My body aches because she is damaged from the drugs. My heart hurts from the regret of my actions and the betrayal from those who I once believed were there to help and support me. I cry to God asking why this is the life I am living, and to that I have received answers.

I am here to learn compassion for me and only me, after lifetimes of only holding it for others. I am here to be proud of my mind, body, and soul for I am perfect. I am here to experience the beauty of humanity and all of our flaws. I am here to accept myself. I am here to heal. I am a beautiful mess. So I choose peace.”

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Calista Wetzstein, 22, Cali USA.

https://linktr.ee/spiritcalista

“Detransitioning has to be one of the hardest choices I have made in my 22 years of living. At age 13, it was easy for me to adapt to a new persona. I wanted to escape being the weird girl. I rejected my body, I rejected my role in society, I rejected all expectations casted upon me from the moment I was born. I rejected my life for the way it was when I learned that there was so much more to it, so much more to me than what meets the eye. I was different and uncomfortable so what better way to own it than to embrace the idea that I was actually a transgender boy this whole time. I remember the day I said to myself “you’re a boy” and from then on no one could convince me otherwise. Not even myself.

Injecting hormones at 16. Removing my breasts at 20. And then finally realizing a year after that this was not who I was. This was not a life that I wanted. I wasn’t thinking long term when I made these decisions. How could I when I wasn’t even at the legal age of being able to drive without restriction? Getting a tattoo? Here in America it is illegal to drink and smoke before the age of 21, yet I could easily convince the doctor to hand me something that would physically alter my body permanently.

It took me 8 years to see that the life I chose at 13 was not one that would make me happy. I ignored my intuition and I remember every single time I asked myself, “Is this really who I am?” I remember the envy I felt for other girls simply living their life, expressing themselves. I envied the life I rejected. I want to embrace that 13 year old girl and tell her how awesome, unique, and cool she is. Life is hard, but I deserve to love myself wholeheartedly. I look in the mirror and search for the girl I was before transitioning in my features, but I am a woman now. And I have no idea what I look like.

Every day has been a beautiful struggle. I have learned to face myself. I have learned to love myself. I have learned to stand strong in adversity to those who warp my story to fit their narrative. I have learned patience through the pain, whether that be emotional, physical, or spiritual. My body aches because she is damaged from the drugs. My heart hurts from the regret of my actions and the betrayal from those who I once believed were there to help and support me. I cry to God asking why this is the life I am living, and to that I have received answers.

I am here to learn compassion for me and only me, after lifetimes of only holding it for others. I am here to be proud of my mind, body, and soul for I am perfect. I am here to experience the beauty of humanity and all of our flaws. I am here to accept myself. I am here to heal. I am a beautiful mess. So I choose peace.”

Calista Wetzstein, 22, Cali USA.

https://linktr.ee/spiritcalista

“Detransitioning has to be one of the hardest choices I have made in my 22 years of living. At age 13, it was easy for me to adapt to a new persona. I wanted to escape being the weird girl. I rejected my body, I rejected my role in society, I rejected all expectations casted upon me from the moment I was born. I rejected my life for the way it was when I learned that there was so much more to it, so much more to me than what meets the eye. I was different and uncomfortable so what better way to own it than to embrace the idea that I was actually a transgender boy this whole time. I remember the day I said to myself “you’re a boy” and from then on no one could convince me otherwise. Not even myself.

Injecting hormones at 16. Removing my breasts at 20. And then finally realizing a year after that this was not who I was. This was not a life that I wanted. I wasn’t thinking long term when I made these decisions. How could I when I wasn’t even at the legal age of being able to drive without restriction? Getting a tattoo? Here in America it is illegal to drink and smoke before the age of 21, yet I could easily convince the doctor to hand me something that would physically alter my body permanently.

It took me 8 years to see that the life I chose at 13 was not one that would make me happy. I ignored my intuition and I remember every single time I asked myself, “Is this really who I am?” I remember the envy I felt for other girls simply living their life, expressing themselves. I envied the life I rejected. I want to embrace that 13 year old girl and tell her how awesome, unique, and cool she is. Life is hard, but I deserve to love myself wholeheartedly. I look in the mirror and search for the girl I was before transitioning in my features, but I am a woman now. And I have no idea what I look like.

Every day has been a beautiful struggle. I have learned to face myself. I have learned to love myself. I have learned to stand strong in adversity to those who warp my story to fit their narrative. I have learned patience through the pain, whether that be emotional, physical, or spiritual. My body aches because she is damaged from the drugs. My heart hurts from the regret of my actions and the betrayal from those who I once believed were there to help and support me. I cry to God asking why this is the life I am living, and to that I have received answers.

I am here to learn compassion for me and only me, after lifetimes of only holding it for others. I am here to be proud of my mind, body, and soul for I am perfect. I am here to experience the beauty of humanity and all of our flaws. I am here to accept myself. I am here to heal. I am a beautiful mess. So I choose peace.”