61. April

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April R/47/Vermont USA. Instagram @aprilrepotskiart

“I’m a survivor of childhood sexual/physical and emotional abuse. Throughout my childhood, I wished and prayed to wake up in the morning as a little boy to escape the unwanted attention. By my early teens, I was suffering from depression, self harming, and anorexia. I still secretly wished to be the opposite sex. I came out as lesbian at 18, moved out on my own, and those dysphoric thoughts went away. I went through several abusive relationships until I met my wife at the age of 23. I was very feminine then with zero thoughts of wanting to be a man. Skip forward 4 years later, we had moved to Vermont shortly after meeting. My wife worked for the university, and I was in college. My English class gave us an assignment to attend a seminar, conference, etc, and write a paper about it.

My wife saw a flyer for a transgender conference at the university she worked for, and I thought that would make an interesting paper. As I listened to the stories of FTM’s, something inside of me felt like this was the answer; I had finally found a solution to my mental anguish for all these years. The childhood wishing to be the opposite gender, this had to be what was wrong with me! Little did I know I was still running from my un-addressed traumas, and my mind saw this as a way to rid myself of the body that had endured so much pain. All of this I realize now that I am detransitioned. I want to get my story out so that other women can learn that they too may be trying to run from some sort of trauma that needs to be healed, not cut away. The health professionals and psychiatrists never asked if I had any childhood traumas. They just agreed with me and happily handed me hormones and surgeries. I have been detransitioned for 13 years. Cross sex hormones, a total hysterectomy and mastectomy have left me with several lifelong side effects and health complications. The medical community has a responsibility to have better checks and balances in place regarding transgender care.”

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April R/47/Vermont USA. Instagram @aprilrepotskiart

“I’m a survivor of childhood sexual/physical and emotional abuse. Throughout my childhood, I wished and prayed to wake up in the morning as a little boy to escape the unwanted attention. By my early teens, I was suffering from depression, self harming, and anorexia. I still secretly wished to be the opposite sex. I came out as lesbian at 18, moved out on my own, and those dysphoric thoughts went away. I went through several abusive relationships until I met my wife at the age of 23. I was very feminine then with zero thoughts of wanting to be a man. Skip forward 4 years later, we had moved to Vermont shortly after meeting. My wife worked for the university, and I was in college. My English class gave us an assignment to attend a seminar, conference, etc, and write a paper about it.

My wife saw a flyer for a transgender conference at the university she worked for, and I thought that would make an interesting paper. As I listened to the stories of FTM’s, something inside of me felt like this was the answer; I had finally found a solution to my mental anguish for all these years. The childhood wishing to be the opposite gender, this had to be what was wrong with me! Little did I know I was still running from my un-addressed traumas, and my mind saw this as a way to rid myself of the body that had endured so much pain. All of this I realize now that I am detransitioned. I want to get my story out so that other women can learn that they too may be trying to run from some sort of trauma that needs to be healed, not cut away. The health professionals and psychiatrists never asked if I had any childhood traumas. They just agreed with me and happily handed me hormones and surgeries. I have been detransitioned for 13 years. Cross sex hormones, a total hysterectomy and mastectomy have left me with several lifelong side effects and health complications. The medical community has a responsibility to have better checks and balances in place regarding transgender care.”

April R/47/Vermont USA. Instagram @aprilrepotskiart

“I’m a survivor of childhood sexual/physical and emotional abuse. Throughout my childhood, I wished and prayed to wake up in the morning as a little boy to escape the unwanted attention. By my early teens, I was suffering from depression, self harming, and anorexia. I still secretly wished to be the opposite sex. I came out as lesbian at 18, moved out on my own, and those dysphoric thoughts went away. I went through several abusive relationships until I met my wife at the age of 23. I was very feminine then with zero thoughts of wanting to be a man. Skip forward 4 years later, we had moved to Vermont shortly after meeting. My wife worked for the university, and I was in college. My English class gave us an assignment to attend a seminar, conference, etc, and write a paper about it.

My wife saw a flyer for a transgender conference at the university she worked for, and I thought that would make an interesting paper. As I listened to the stories of FTM’s, something inside of me felt like this was the answer; I had finally found a solution to my mental anguish for all these years. The childhood wishing to be the opposite gender, this had to be what was wrong with me! Little did I know I was still running from my un-addressed traumas, and my mind saw this as a way to rid myself of the body that had endured so much pain. All of this I realize now that I am detransitioned. I want to get my story out so that other women can learn that they too may be trying to run from some sort of trauma that needs to be healed, not cut away. The health professionals and psychiatrists never asked if I had any childhood traumas. They just agreed with me and happily handed me hormones and surgeries. I have been detransitioned for 13 years. Cross sex hormones, a total hysterectomy and mastectomy have left me with several lifelong side effects and health complications. The medical community has a responsibility to have better checks and balances in place regarding transgender care.”